Sexual Assault - The Danger of STDs

You'll also be tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including
gonorrhea, chlamydia, genital herpes, syphilis, and AIDS. If the rapist has an
STD, there's a reasonable chance that he has passed it on to you through his
semen or blood.

It takes 3 to 5 days to get the results back from initial STD testing. You'll
also need follow-up tests 90 days later. Because of the chance that you were
exposed to gonorrhea or chlamydia, the doctor will probably start treatment
without waiting for the test results.

Symptoms of gonorrhea, if left untreated may be very mild, and you might not
even notice them. You may have some abdominal pain, burning during urination,
and a vaginal discharge. It is possible to get a gonorrhea infection in your
mouth or anus, as well as in your vagina.

With chlamydia, you may notice a thin discharge from your vagina, as well as
stomach pain and a burning sensation when you urinate some time after the
exposure.

Trichomoniasis and vaginosis are forms of vaginal inflammation that can be
caused by sexually transmitted organisms. They produce burning and itching
sensations, odor, and a discharge.

In women, STD symptoms are not as noticeable as they are in men, and some
types show no early warning signs at all. You should report anything
unusual?discomfort or discharge, for example?to your doctor.

Syphilis begins with genital sores?which may go unnoticed?and progresses into
flu-like symptoms. This disease is so contagious that it can be passed on just
by kissing, and, if left untreated, it will eventually attack other organs,
causing heart trouble, blindness, and severe mental illness. For more on this
and other STDs, see "Coming to Terms with Sexually Transmitted Disease."

Dos and Don'ts After an Assault DO... Seek medical help as soon as possible Bring a change of clothes to the emergency room Get tested for sexually transmitted disease Inquire about emergency contraception Remember that what you say to medical personnel could be used in court DON'T... Shower... Douche, or... Change clothes until after the exam Hesitate to call the police

AIDS?acquired immune deficiency syndrome?leads to the total destruction of
the immune system, but unless you get tested, you can carry the HIV virus that
causes it for years without knowing it. You may be tested for the virus at the
emergency room. If the results are negative, you'll learn the good news fairly
quickly, sometimes within an hour. Positive results take longer because they
must be confirmed by a second test. Finding out that you have this dreaded
illness could be devastating, but it's still better to know. Doctors do have
drugs that can stave off the disease. For more information, see "The Persistent
Threat of AIDS."

If there is even a remote chance that you have gotten HIV or another STD,
it's best to abstain completely from sex until you're sure you don't have it. If
you do have sex, be sure to use a condom to help avoid the possibility of
passing on HIV or other serious STDs to your partner.

Sex and Your Psyche

You know the cliche: a woman is so uninterested in sex that she makes a
shopping list while making love. Jennifer and Laura Berman see such women all
the time, and it's frustration--not boredom--that brings them to the Bermans'
new clinic at UCLA.

"I was talking to a woman earlier today about her low libido, which was a
result of the fact that she can't reach orgasm," says psychologist Laura Berman,
Ph.D., who with her sister, urologist Jennifer Berman, M.D., is a founder and
codirector of the Center for Women's Urology and Sexual Medicine clinic.
"Because she can't reach orgasm, sex is frustrating. She feels a hopeless,
fatalistic complacency about her sex life. When she's having sex, her partner
picks up on that and feels rejected and angry, or notices she's withdrawing.
Then intimacy starts to break down. Her partner feels less intimate because
there's less sex, and she feels less sexual because there's less intimacy. The
whole thing starts to break down."

Acknowledgement of sexual dysfunction in America is booming. But with all the
attention on Viagra and prostate problems in men, most people would probably
never guess that more women than men suffer from sexual dysfunction. According
to an article in the Journal of the American Medical Association, as many as 43
percent of women have some form of difficulty in their sexual function, as
opposed to 31 percent of men.

And yet female sexuality has taken a back seat to the penis. Before Viagra,
medicine was doing everything from penile injections to wire and balloon
implants to raise flagging erections, while female sexual dysfunction was almost
exclusively treated as a mental problem. "Women were often told it was all in
their head, and they just needed to relax," says Laura.

The Bermans want to change that. They are at the forefront of forging a
mind-body perspective of female sexuality. The Bermans want the medical
community and the public to recognize that female sexual dysfunction (FSD) is a
problem that may have physical as well as emotional components. To spread their
message, they have appeared twice on Oprah, have made numerous appearances on
Good Morning America and have written a book, For Women Only.

"Female sexual dysfunction is a problem that can affect your sense of
well-being," explains Jennifer. "And for years people have been working in a
vacuum in the sex and psychotherapy realms and the medical community. Now we are
putting it all together."

No single problem makes up female sexual dysfunction. A recent article in the
Journal of Urology defined FSD as including such varied troubles as a lack of
sexual desire so great that it causes personal distress, an inability of the
genitals to become adequately lubricated, difficulty in reaching orgasm even
after sufficient stimulation and a persistent genital pain associated with
intercourse. "We see women ranging from their early twenties to their
mid-seventies with all types of problems," Laura says, "most of which have both
medical and emotional bases to them." The physical causes of FSD can range from
having too little testosterone or estrogen in the blood to severed nerves as a
result of pelvic surgery to taking such medications as antihistamines or
serotonin reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac and Zoloft. The psychological
factors, Laura says, can include sexual history issues, relationship problems
and depression.

The Bermans codirected the Women's Sexual Health Clinic at Boston University
Medical Center for three years before starting the UCLA clinic this year. At
present, they can see only eight patients a day, but each one receives a full
consultation the first day. Laura gives an extensive evaluation to assess the
psychological component of each woman's sexuality.

"Basically, it's a sex history," Laura says. "We talk about the presenting
problem, its history, what she's done to address it in her relationship, how
she's coped with it, how it has impacted the way she feels about herself. We
also address earlier sexual development, unresolved sexual abuse or trauma,
values around sexuality, body image, self-stimulation, whether the problem is
situational or across the board, whether it's lifelong or acquired." After the
evaluation, Laura recommends possible solutions. "There is some psycho-education
in there, where I'll work with her around vibrators or videos or things to try,
and talk about addressing sex therapy."

Afterward, the patient is given a physiological evaluation. Different probes
are used to determine vaginal pH balance, the degree of clitoral and labial
sensation and the amount of vaginal elasticity. "Then we give the patient a pair
of 3-D goggles with surround sound and a vibrator and ask them to watch an
erotic video and stimulate themselves to measure lubrication and pelvic blood
flow," Jennifer says.

The identification of FSD has been called everything from the final frontier
of the women's movement to an attempt by the patriarchy to shackle women's
sexuality. But given the success that drugs such as Viagra have had in reversing
male sexual dysfunction, the Bermans found an unexpected amount of criticism
from their peers. "The resistance we got from the rest of the medical community
early on was surprising to us," Laura says, explaining that the urological field
in particular has been dominated by men.

Clearly, the Bermans will need hard data to win over their critics. Their
UCLA facility is enabling the Bermans to conduct some of the first systematic
psychological and physiological research on the factors that inhibit female
sexual function. One of their first studies suggests that the pharmaco-sexual
revolution that helped some men overcome their sexual dysfunction may prove less
effective for women. Their initial study of the effects of Viagra on women found
that Viagra did increase blood flow to genitalia and thereby facilitate sex, but
women who took the drug said it provided little in the way of arousal. In short,
subjects' bodies might have been ready, but their minds were not.

"Viagra worked half as often in the women with an unresolved sexual abuse
history as in those without it," Laura says. "So it's just not going to work
alone. Women experience sexuality in a context, and no amount of medication is
going to mask psychologically rooted, or emotionally or relationally rooted
sexual problems." Laura believes the results of the Viagra study counter those
who contend that FSD is simply a tool of pharmaceutical companies to
"medicalize" female sexuality.

"I'm less concerned about it, because I'm aware that it won't work," she
says. "And in some respects, pharmaceutical companies are closing the divide
between the mind and body camps of FSD. Clinical trials of new drugs for FSD are
requiring psychologists to screen participants, and that is an acknowledgement
that an accurate assessment of a drug's efficacy requires a consideration of the
test subjects' feelings about sex. So these physicians who may not be motivated
to bring on a sex therapist are now motivated to participate in a clinical
trial, and then that model becomes the norm."

Currently, the sisters are working on MRI studies of the brain's response to
sexual arousal, the place where mind and body meet. And although there is a lot
more research to be done on FSD, identifying it as a problem has already made a
significant impact on how women perceive their sexuality. "Women now feel more
comfortable going to their doctors, and they're not taking no for an answer, not
being told to just go home and have a glass of wine," explains Laura. "They feel
more entitled to their sexual function."

READ MORE ABOUT IT: For Women Only: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming
Sexual Dysfunction and Reclaiming Your Sex Life Jennifer Berman, M.D., and Laura
Berman, Ph.D. (Henry Holt & Co., 2001)

HIS & HERS... and how to have them

Hers: a female orgasm can be frustratingly evasive. While about 85 to 90
percent of women are capable of having an orgasm, according to Beverly Whipple,
Ph.D., vice president of the World Association for Sexology, only about
one-third have had one during intercourse. That said, it's important to remember
that orgasm should never be the goal.

"In goal-oriented sexual interactions, each step leads to the top step, or
the big "O"--orgasm," says Whipple. "Goal-oriented people who don't reach the
top step don't feel very good about the process that has occurred. Whereas for
people who are pleasure oriented, any activity can be an end in itself; it
doesn't have to lead to something else. Sometimes, we're very satisfied holding
hands or cuddling. There would be a lot more pleasure in this world if people
would just focus on the process."

Whipple also points out that the psychological ramifications of dissatisfying
sexual interactions are not often suffered alone; they can cause distress in
both partners. "If one person in a relationship is goal-oriented and the other
is pleasure-oriented, and neither is aware of their own orientation, they don't
communicate that with their partner," she explains. "A lot of relationship
problems can develop. In my workshops with couples, I help them be aware of how
they view sexual interactions and then communicate this with their partner."

TYPES OF ORGASM

Clitoral Orgasm

The most common, they result from directly stimulating the clitoris and
surrounding tissue. What many people don't realize is that the majority of the
clitoris is actually hidden inside the woman's body. Recently, Australian
urologist Helen O'Connell, M.M.E.D., studied cadavers and 3-D photography and
found that the clitoris is attached to an inner mound of erectile tissue the
size of your first thumb joint. That tissue has two legs or crura that extend
another 11 centimeters. In addition, two clitoral bulbs--also composed of
erectile tissue--run down the area just outside the vagina.

O'Connell's findings, published in the Journal of Urology, show that this
erectile tissue, plus the surrounding muscle tissue, all contribute to orgasmic
muscle spasms. With so much tissue involved in a clitoral orgasm, it's no wonder
they're the easiest to have.

Pelvic Floor or Vaginal Orgasms

These occur through stimulating the G-spot, or putting pressure on the cervix
(the opening into the uterus) and/or the anterior vaginal wall. Located halfway
between the pubic bone and the cervix, the sensitive G-spot--named after its
discoverer, German physician Ernest Grafenberg--is a mass of spongy tissue that
swells when stimulated. Because it's difficult to locate, experts have developed
a few guiding techniques:

o Lying on her back, the woman tilts her pelvis upward so that her vulva
presses flat against her partner's pelvic bone. According to the Bermans, this
allows the penis to make contact with the G-spot, simultaneously stimulating the
clitoris. Putting pillows beneath her buttocks makes angling her pelvis easier.

o Whipple suggests placing two fingers inside the vagina and moving them in a
beckoning motion. The fingertips should stroke the frontal vaginal wall, just
where the G-spot is located.

The Blended Orgasm

This can be attained through a combination of the first two.

HER BENEFITS

o Pain relief: Orgasms help alleviate menstrual cramps. In addition, studies
have shown that a woman's pain threshold increases substantially during orgasm.

o Enhanced mood: According to University of Virginia researchers, orgasms
boost levels of the female sex hormone estrogen, which in turn betters your mood
and helps ease premenstrual symptoms. They also release endorphins, the body's
natural painkillers and depression fighters.

o Increased intimacy: Oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of intimacy,
jumps to five times its normal level during climax.

o Easier rest: Oxytocin also induces drowsiness. For women, sleepiness comes
about 20 to 30 minutes after orgasm. Men, on the other hand, usually drift off
after only two to five minutes.

o Less stress: Stress in women is highly correlated with arousal
difficulties, lack of libido and anorgasmia, the inability to reach orgasm,
according to one 1999 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
Just 20 minutes of intercourse, however, releases the lust-enhancing hormone
dopamine, triggering a relaxation response that lasts up to two hours.

His Physiologically speaking, male and female orgasms are surprisingly
similar. The related problems men and women experience, however, are distinctly
different.

"There are men who can't orgasm, but I think it's less than I percent of
men," says Jed Kaminetsky, M.D., a professor of urology at New York University
and director of the school's male sexual dysfunction clinic. "That's a much less
common problem than premature ejaculation."

A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found
that premature ejaculation is even more common than erectile dysfunction,
especially among younger men. As with most sex-related problems, it affects both
partners--some studies suggest that nearly 30 percent of couples report
premature ejaculation as the most prevalent sexual problem in their
relationship. One major obstacle to treating it is simply defining the problem
to begin with.

"It depends on the relationship," Kaminetsky explains. "If a woman takes an
hour to orgasm and the man can last 40 minutes, that's premature ejaculation for
that couple." At the other extreme, one minute is too short an amount of time
for most couples. "Not too many women are going to climax within a minute."

Kaminetsky also sees truth in Whipple's assessment of goal-oriented versus
pleasure-oriented interactions. "Men are very goal oriented; they see a task and
they want to successfully perform that task," he says. "Often that task is to
make their partner have an orgasm. If the woman knows that, she feels like a
laboratory animal--it's not a very sexy thing. That's why women fake orgasms,
which is a sign of lack of communication in a relationship."

PREMATURE EJACULATION

Rarely a physiological problem, premature ejaculation can result from
over-excitement, positioning or rate of intercourse. "The roots of it go back to
the way men learn to orgasm, which is typically through masturbation," suggests
Kaminetsky. "A lot of young boys masturbate quickly, because they don't want
their mom to walk in on them. It becomes a trained behavior." To treat premature
ejaculation, experts suggest changing positions, breathing deeply, thinking
about something other than sex or simply stopping for a moment. Here, Kaminetsky
offers two additional techniques for delaying orgasm:

o Practice this before reaching "ejaculatory inevitability," the point when
ejaculation cannot be stopped; most men recognize it as a sensation of deep
warmth or pleasure: Squeeze the head of the penis for about four seconds or
until the sensation subsides, then resume.

o During intercourse, the man should press his pelvic bone against the
woman's and rock rather than thrust his body. "It won't be as stimulating for
him so he'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for the woman."

HIS BENEFITS

o Long life: Men who have two or more orgasms a week tend to live
significantly longer than do those who have only one or none, according to
research at Cardiff University in Wales.

o Less cancer: Breast cancer is rare in men, but once developed, the
mortality rate is high. Fortunately, a study published in the British Journal of
Cancer found that men who have more than six orgasms a month are significantly
less likely to develop breast cancer than are those who have less frequent sex.

o Healthy hearts: A study of 2,500 men at the University of Bristol and
Queens University of Belfast found that men who have at least three or more
orgasms a week are 50 percent less likely to die from heart failure or coronary
heart disease.

o Good health: Having sex once or twice a week also fights off the flu and
other viruses by strengthening the immune system, psychologists at the
University of Pennsylvania recently found.

o Youthful looks: A study of 3,500 aging people at the Royal Edinburgh
Hospital in Scotland found that those who looked the youngest also had the most
vigorous sex life. The effects were even greater if the subjects were
emotionally satisfied as well.

READ MORE ABOUT IT: The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex Barbara Keesling,
Ph.D. (M. Evan and Co., 2001)

Sexual Fitness: 7 Essential Elements of Optimizing Your Sensuality,
Satisfaction and Well-Being Hank C.K. Wuh, M.D. (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2001)

GETTING CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Bee, 25, Copywriter

Masturbating is the easiest way for women to learn how to have an orgasm.
Women who masturbate will be a lot more likely to have an orgasm during sex. I
think it helps you learn the actual mechanics of what turns you on, where things
need to happen.

Because the guy isn't going to know that; there's no reason he would. Every
woman is different. Also, the bonding that goes on during sex seems most extreme
with an orgasm. It's kind of like one or both people have gone completely over
the edge; they're suspended in the other person's grasp, and they're completely
surrendered to it. That intensifies any connection.

Gabriel, 25, Musician

There are guys who don't get a rise out of giving a woman an orgasm and would
just prefer not to have someone else there. I've even heard some guys say they
have better orgasms during masturbation than sex. The mere thought of it
astounds me, but it makes sense if a guy has a fear of intimacy or, even more, a
fear of performing. It probably takes away from his own orgasm if he's overly
concerned with his sexual performance or whether or not she's having one. It's
ironic, because an orgasm during sex is enhanced when it's with someone you
truly care about.

GETTING CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Kamara, 27, Musician

I'm amazed when I talk to anyone who claims to have never had an orgasm,
probably because I just can't imagine not having them or not being able to have
them. At the same time, it doesn't surprise me: I was raised in a very
conservative religious atmosphere that actually called masturbation "self
abuse," and all sexuality--not to mention orgasms--was beautiful and good only
if it happened in a marriage bed. It takes awhile to expel the load of guilt
that piles up around your sexuality if you're raised in that kind of culture,
and I'm sure some people never do. But there was no way I wasn't going to aim
for the prize once I knew what it felt like. Maybe it depends on your sexual
drive--for me the drive was strong enough that I could never feel guilty about
an orgasm for long.

Steven, 28, Veterinarian

Some guys think sex has to include an orgasm. Orgasms are great, but there's
so much more to sex. An orgasm is more of a physical experience; I guess there
is an emotional aspect, but it's over in a second. I think anybody can give you
an orgasm, but it's the person there after the orgasm that matters. But I think
I'm the exception.

DOES ORGASM EQUAL SEX?

Our ever-changing definition of sex may hinge more on the climax than on the
act itself; Psychologist L.M. Bogart, Ph.D., gave Kent State students a list of
scenarios in which "Jim" and "Susie" engaged in vaginal, anal or oral
intercourse and either did or did not achieve orgasm. Vaginal intercourse was
considered sex 97 percent of the time, followed by anal intercourse (93 percent)
and oral sex (44 percent). Researchers were surprised to find that orgasm
occurrence dictated whether or not the activity was considered sex. Although the
woman was more likely to label vaginal intercourse sex if neither partner
climaxed, when it came to oral sex, the recipient was more likely to consider it
sex than the partner performing the act, especially if the recipient achieved
orgasm--because the stimulator was unlikely to achieve orgasm. For anal sex, it
was more likely to be called sex if Jim had the orgasm, but it was sex to Susie
regardless of whether she achieved orgasm. In general, the lack of orgasm for
women was less likely to affect her labeling the act sex. Although most sex
therapists argue against using orgasm as an end-all definition of sex, Bogart's
study indicates that orgasm is still an important gauge by which we measure
sexual activity.

Like a Sex Machine

At last, women may have their answer to Viagra. The EROS Clitoral Therapy
Device (EROS-CTD) is the first product developed to treat female sexual arousal
disorder (FSAD). Characterized by diminished sexual sensation, FSAD affects
approximately 43% of American women. It results from inadequate blood flow to
the clitoris and can cause a host of other difficulties, including lack of
desire and difficulty achieving orgasm.

Enter EROS, a clitoral suction device that draws blood to the clitoris to
trigger sexual arousal and enhance orgasms. In a study presented recently at an
American Urological Association conference, 80% of FSAD sufferers reported
improved sexual satisfaction after using EROS before intercourse. But EROS is no
mere sex toy, says Kevin Billups, Ph.D., an urologist and one of the study's
researchers. "People say, 'Oh, this is just a fancy vibrator'--but it isn't," he
explains. "It's a physiological device."

Because FSAD can also hurt relationships by causing lowered self-esteem,
depression and poor body image, "women suffering with sexual dysfunction may
have a relationship in crisis," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., a female sexual
dysfunction expert. She suggests these women consider using EROS in conjunction
with professional counseling. And the best news may be yet to come: Women who
used EROS regularly reported enhanced sexual satisfaction even after they
stopped using it.

Senior dating: Resuming sexual activity later in life

Q:

I am a 76-year-old female. I've
not been sexually active in many years. But I'm in a relationship now and wonder
if I will be able to resume sexual activity again at this late time?

A:

You will be happy to learn that you can resume sexual activity — as
long as you're willing to invest a little time and patience.

As women age, they experience several changes in their vaginal area. The
vagina and vaginal opening often become smaller, especially when estrogen levels
are low. As a result, it often takes longer for the vagina to swell and
lubricate when you're sexually aroused. Together these changes can make
intercourse painful.

The good news is that there are steps you can take to make sexual intercourse
more comfortable, including:

• Longer foreplay. Foreplay helps stimulate natural
  lubrication.
  
• Over-the-counter lubricants. Products such as K-Y
  Lubricating Jelly and Glide are available for this purpose.
  
• Topical estrogen treatment. For some women, treatment with
  vaginal estrogen creams is the best way to increase natural lubrication.
  

If a woman hasn't had intercourse for a while, it will take time to stretch
out the vagina so that it can accommodate a penis. Talk to your partner about
what works best. You may want to try different sexual positions or different
times of day.

You should also keep in mind that sex is more than intercourse. Touching and
cuddling are an important part of sexual activity. Communicating with your
partner is the best way to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Work Your Mind, Not Just Your Body

Fitness isn’t just physical: Change your thoughts, and you change your world.
-Norman Vincent Peale

Of course we can all agree that
gaining and losing weight, exercise, diet, strength, and flexibility are all a
part of fitness. But what about body image, self-esteem, aging, relationships,
success, and happiness? They are all related, all connected, and fitness in
all areas is important if you want true and total fitness.

But you may
say, “I just want to lose 20 lbs, if I do I will feel better about myself and I
will be happy.” Maybe in the short term, but honestly, if we don’t address our
mental and emotional fitness (and we can do it while working on the physical),
there is very little chance of: a) keeping the weight off, b) feeling good about
yourself, and c) improving every other area of your life.

Let’s not waste
time on changing our bodies when they will only change back if we don’t change
our minds, too. Let’s work "out" and work "in" at the same time. Changing your
mind – and you must, because if you have been trying to lose weight, but cannot,
there is something inside of you that is disallowing it. You can change this
pattern, improve your self-esteem, increase your joy, and change your body for
good by focusing on changing your mind, too. This is training for
life.

Work-ins will recondition your mind, improve your attitude, change
your perception and stimulate motivation at the same time you are conditioning
your body for weight loss, shaping, strength and endurance.

If you repeat
a positive statement over and over to yourself – like a mantra, your mind will
change, the same way your body does, even if you don’t believe it. Like lifting
a weight over an over, your muscle changes – even if you don’t believe
it.

Try it – what have you got to lose? Say, “I am ready for my body to
be healthier, leaner, and stronger. I love it already."
Say it over and over
while you are walking or running or doing any exercise.

Pick a statement
that works for you – something positive and in the present tense. For more
work-ins suggestions, check out my new book, Training for Life.

Changing the 'Fat is OK' Equation

Watch out – we’re headed for trouble bigger than we have ever seen, no pun
intended.

I have talked about this before, but it’s worth discussing
again: Every year Americans spend more and more money – billions of dollars - on
weight loss remedies, and every year we are still fatter. There is something
morbidly wrong with this equation. And it gets worse!

We are beginning to
see that as women (men, too, but most studies are done on women) find themselves
further and further from the way they ideally want to look, they have to find
ways to cope (other than eating) with the discomfort.

Eating is a temporary comfort but then makes the problem worse, so new coping
mechanisms are being found like taking on the “if you can’t beat 'em, join 'em,”
attitude. Women may feel like they have lost the battle to look like the girls
in magazines, so they’re going the other way - the fat and happy, or “I’m so OK
with it,” team.

It is understandable and natural to look for ways
to fit in and feel better about oneself. We all need to find a way to
feel OK – even when we feel terrible.

But this is creating a new
phenomenon called fat talk, where women support each other by cutting themselves
down. And because they are all fat – it’s OK. Since they self-deprecate, as a
way of bonding and supporting each other, they all feel better and fit
in.

Yes – we need to find support, and comfort, but not for staying
unhealthily overweight, and not for giving up.

We have to right this
wrong turn or being OK with being unhealthy will be a new part of the
upside-down equation mentioned above: Every year Americans are heavier and more
unhealthy, and every year they are more and more OK with it.

Wouldn't it be Nice if it Were All so Simple?

As your coach, I am your biggest supporter. My goal is to help you become
fitter, healthier, more empowered, and more successful in every area of your
life.

I want to help you become the happiest you have ever been, and the best that
you can be – not just physically. Remember, we are in Training for Life! I’ll
pull out the stops and give you programs, ideas, information, and tips that will
help you get to new heights of fitness and happiness. I’ll do all I can to
motivate you, so that you stay on your path to fitter living, higher self
esteem, and a healthier perspective overall. But I am not a genie, you still
have to do the work.

And guess what, I don’t think it’s easy. Though the steps I am asking you to
take are very straightforward, change can be very difficult. Changing the
outside by exercising more and eating less is simple, effective, and realistic.
But the simple facts are (obviously) not so simple – if they were, we’d all be
happy, healthy, slim, and successful.

There’s more to it – even when you are able to make a physical change -
it’s only a part of the equation. No physical change will be permanent unless we
mentally change, as well. So think of what we are doing as a process – a total
reconditioning process.

Here are a few tips to keep you moving forward and chin up:

1. If you think of setbacks as slips, you’ll just get up, brush yourself off
and keep moving forward, instead of starting over (with a long self-destructive
break in between).

2. Stay on the road, even if you take a detour, see yourself as moving ahead,
making progress by learning lessons.

3. Do something. If you feel stalled, or off course, make every effort to do
something – any little thing that you know is beneficial, healthy, and good for
you - because there is no way to change if you don’t change anything.

4. Never give up. It will click in, something will change, you’ll get there,
but that can only happen if you don’t give up.

Stop Living in the Negative. Start Taking Care of Yourself

Total health and total fitness are one and the same to me. You must be
mentally, physically, and emotionally fit/healthy to embrace, enjoy, and make
the most out of your life.

That being said, what are you doing to enhance your level of fitness, or, to
look at the other side of the coin, what are you not doing that is causing you
to be unhealthy, or unfit? To get the most out of your life – you’ve got to
stop! Face it, we only have control over the few things in life that, well, we
actually have control over. It’s a bummer, but it’s true.

So much in life feels, seems, and probably is, out of your control – but when
it comes to your health – there is a lot you can do – or stop not doing –
to be fitter, get healthier, and enjoy your life more. "Those who think they
have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for
illness." - Edward Stanley

Exercise more - this you have control over. Do it. You need to do aerobic and
resistance/weight bearing exercise regularly. Walking is a fantastic exercise
(and anybody can do it!), it is weight bearing and aerobic and will keep your
muscles and bones strong and your heart cardiovascularly fit. Walking is great
for losing weight, improving circulation, relieving stress, and helping you
sleep better.

So why don’t people exercise regularly? Probably for the same reasons that
people don’t eat well, though they know they should. Eat well – this, too, you
have control over, so do it. To start, simply eat less processed and packaged
foods and more fresh fruits, vegetables and fish. Stop drinking sugary (and
diet) drinks, and drink more water.

Cut out fried, starchy and preserved foods and stop supersizing. Look at your
plate and remember that the stomach your food is about to enter is only about
the size of your fist - so ease up on the portions. But you know all this – so
why oh why can’t you/we stick to a healthy diet and regular exercise?

Your psyche: this is the all-important wild card. This is the thing that no
one wants to talk about because, well, we haven’t quite figured out how to make
it work for us. Well, some of us have, sort of.

We know that using repetition for mental conditioning (changing your mind)
works, so feed your mind positive images and thoughts of where you want to be,
how you want to look, and what you want to do, throughout the day. Stop harping
on what you don’t have – express your wants as desire, not coming from a place
of lack.

We also know that you have to believe what you are saying way deep down
inside for it to really manifest in your life, so say it, live it, and do what
you can (like exercise, eat and spend money wisely) to feed your subconscious
the messages that you do want to be healthy, thin, prosperous, and happy.

And we know that if you live in the negative, you will stay in the negative,
so stop berating yourself, stop not taking care of yourself, and stop putting
everyone else’s needs ahead of yours. Maybe it is easy to say – hard to do – but
it’s worth a go if you really want to change.

Believe it or Not...

Believe it or not, with all I know, and all I do - I overate this past
holiday season - and it sucks! It feels bad all around - physically and mentally
– immediately, and later, too.

Did you pig out? Why do you think we do? Here’s why, I think, and three
things that I believe will help us so that we never do it again. Maybe you
didn’t overdo it with food and/or drink this year. I hope you didn’t, and so,
were able to escape the physical discomfort and emotional remorse that seem to
be equal partners in the practice of eating way beyond contentment.

I had that terrible night’s sleep, that next day food hangover, that praying
for relief and restraint at my next party, and the fear that no matter how hard
I wished it not to happen again, it very likely would – probably at my next big
social/eating shindig.

The terrible truth is, I sort of thought myself "above" all that. I fancied
myself immune from overindulgence/over-consumption/out-of-control eating, since
much of the time I feel that I am. But, oh, how wrong I can be about me. I am no
more immune or above these very human behaviors, which so brilliantly mask other
feelings and behaviors - like social discomfort, anxiety and shyness – than I am
able to spread my wings and fly.

I have come to realize that the (over) eating – though partially just
fall-out from the holiday party/delectable food choice madness – is more - for
me. I do recognize that “stuffing” myself is sometimes more about what I am
trying to avoid than what I seem to be enjoying (and ingesting).

In fact, I think for the most part I am just plain uncomfortable, shy, or out
of sorts in the environment I find myself in, and somehow can’t imagine how to,
or remember (in that moment) how to make myself feel better, so I eat lots and
lots of delicious treats.

This gives me something to do, focus on, and even enjoy in the short term,
but then I feel full, numb, and tired. And though I can barely feel the original
un-ease for the new discomfort I have caused myself (mission accomplished?), I
am now unhappy with my choices, uncomfortable in my clothes, and wishing I had
stopped, slowed down, or taken a detour of some kind so as to NOT have gotten
myself into this uncomfortable space.

How do we do it differently? Truth be told – I do know a better way than the
way I went this past holiday season. And though what I am about to tell you
sounds ridiculously simple (and at the same time weirdly difficult), I am pretty
sure that if you and I follow these few tips next year (or next weekend), we
won’t have to endure any more holiday/food hangovers.

1. Predict and Prepare. We already know that social gatherings/parties make
us somewhat uneasy, so, Think/Plan food choices – a) take a bird’s eye look at
the food and choose what you will eat (plan it in your head, then make a plate)
rather than grazing at will and unconsciously devouring delicacies until you
have had way too much, b) take someone with you that will make you, and the
party, more comfortable, and fun for you, c) share your feelings with that
person, or someone else at the event that you can confide in (trust me, more
people than you know feel this dis-ease at parties). If you can do this, the
feelings won’t fester and get worse as the night goes on.

2. Discuss it with a trusted friend before and after and Write about it too.
I have one friend who knows me better than anyone and when I tell her what is,
or has been going on with me, she can usually say something like: this has
happened to you before – remember when…and at that point I can start to see a
pattern and look for ways (often with my trusted friend’s help) to remedy my
actions and soothe and change my feelings and actions. Then I write. Even if I
feel I have nothing to write, I sit with pen and paper and try to express my
feelings, ask for help, even just describe it all on the page so that maybe
something is illuminated, something I need to know, something that I can learn
from. This way, I don’t just change the behavior for one party – I change the
behavior.

3. Don’t go to the other extreme – don’t put yourself on a crazy crash diet
or punish yourself in any other way to try to compensate for whatever has
occurred. Let it go. You will prolong the negative feelings and even exacerbate
the entire event if you take yourself out for a beating after you have already
done something that makes you feel badly about you. Take compassionate, useful,
and productive steps (as mentioned above), and move on with the knowing that you
have made progress in preventing this from happening again.

You really don’t have to have the same negative experience ever again –
especially if you follow the suggestions in No. 1 and No. 2 above. It’s 2007
and, well, every day is a new day and a new opportunity to start over. And you
know how I talk about Staying on the Road, and not starting and
stopping your training. You know that my belief and training practices for
Training For Life are all about the flow and continuum of conditioning that we
must adhere to in order to best train for the longest, most important event of
all – our lives.

But we do have, within each day, and each week, the opportunity to begin
again – and this is very much a part of Staying on the Road and Training For
Life – it is refinement that I am proposing rather than the screw up/fall off
the wagon/begin again on Monday way. Look at your life and train with me as
though the goodness of your life depended on it – because it does.

Everything that we train for – whether it is weight loss or more comfortable
eating practices – affects the quality of life that we live every day - so what
could be more important than Training for Life? Happy Trails and Have a Great
Week - Debbie Rocker

A Better Way to Do This Fitness Thing

Is that all there is?

Body image, gaining and losing weight, exercise,
self-esteem, diet, physical fitness, aging, relationships, strength, happiness
and success all have a fitness element. So why do we think of fitness as
physical? I think it is because weight loss/body image/dieting is such a big
part of our culture and our lives.

But you can do the physical work –
lose the weight, exercise, and eat well as a part of fitness and achieve
fitness in all of the other areas too – without a lot of extra work.

In fact your workout should include another component – one that not only
helps you get better, and longer lasting, physical results. You need to include
"workins" in your workouts.

This is training for life.

A
workin will help recondition your mind, improve your attitude, change your
perception and stimulate motivation at the same time you are conditioning your
body for weight loss, shaping, strength and endurance.

Repeat a positive
statement over and over to yourself – like a mantra, and like building a muscle,
if you lift a weight enough times, your muscle will change, it will become
stronger and more shapely, whether you believe in the action or not.

Your Mind: More Powerful Than Your Body

When it comes to "starting," there is no tomorrow, only today, since when you
get to tomorrow, it’s today. Live in today, take action today, and don’t wait
for anything for your (new and improved) life to begin!

Forget the “it‘s
summer, get ready for your bikini" crap, it’s life, get into shape for that!
Mentally, emotionally, and physically conditioning ourselves for the most
important event of all – life – that is what I am concerned with. So, if it
is fitness you want for this summer and beyond, true and total fitness, let’s
get started.

You will have to clean out the junk food – now. It’s putting
excess weight on your body and numbing your mind. Sugar is disorienting and a
trigger (for most of us), and any “trigger” foods, food that make you want to
keep eating (chips, cookies, ice cream), must go.

If you really want to “clean house” whether you want to lose weight or not,
try no sugar, no dairy for 60 days – that’ll give you an efficiently working
physical body and mental acuity like you have never known.

Now, write down everything you want – don’t hold back, write it all down.
This is the way to activate your dreams - think about them. Then you must do
things that help you believe that they are possible, for example, cleaning out
the clutter in the cupboards and starting to exercise regularly.

Now I know you say, “If I do those things, of course I’ll get fitter, it has
nothing to do with my mental state.” But how many times have you tried to lose
weight by dieting and exercise? Many, I am sure. And many more times the process
has failed you.

You must use your mind to carry you over the "lack of belief in your ability
to accomplish your goals" state that you, and most of us, are in much of the
time. And if you haven’t lost the weight as quickly as you had hoped (or as fast
as your friend did), don't stop. Some of us have more mental undoing to
accomplish than others.

You must stay focused on your goal – and this I know can be harder than
giving up sugar - but it is the one thing that we neglect to do when trying to
affect a true, lasting change for ourselves – we neglect to use our minds, as
well as our bodies.
So write what you are going for down, think about it
often, and see it happening in your mind for you!

How Well Does Your Body Adapt to Tougher Workouts?

Do you ever feel that life could be easier? That each day is a
little harder? Life can, at times, be that way.

There is a Navy SEAL saying (from their training programs) that goes "the
only easy day was yeaterday."

Although most of us do not want to become Navy SEALS, nor could we even if we
tried, there are some lessons to be learned from them about training and
conditioning the human body (and mind), and the role of adaptation.

Becoming a Navy SEAL, one of the true military physical and mental elites,
takes over six months of specialized training. They push their bodies to the
breakpoint on a daily basis, and it's even tougher on their minds and emotions.
The dropout rate is extremely high, but those who survive are transformed
forever.

There are no easy days or easy weeks. "Hell week" is one of the toughest
make-or-break periods. During those five days, the SEALS in training are
subjected to extreme conditions, constant physical and mental challenges.
Amongst the highlights, five days with about four hours sleep - total.

The waking hours are spent sandy and wet, constantly carrying heavy loads, or
being immersed in icy water till hypothermia starts to set in - then back to
breakneck calisthenics and physical activity to "warm back up."

They emerge from Hell week, and the even tougher weeks and months to follow,
amongst the fittest, toughest human beings on the planet. The only "easy" days
are the ones behind them.

The so-called BUD/S training provides great lessons in adaptation. Some break
down, some get stronger, and many experience both simultaneously. What does this
mean for you?

Are your workouts hard enough? Do you challenge yourself, or have you gotten
into a bit of a lull? Have you hit a plateau? In my next blog entry I'll talk
about the adaptation process and how you can make it work for you.

How to Have the Body You Want

Obviously, you want to have what you want – don’t you?
Then why are you
not able to have the body that you want, or the job that you want, or the
relationship that you want - why don’t you have the life you want?

You
are conflicted. Truly, you think you want something but then you think
(consciously or unconsciously) of all the reasons why you can’t have it. You
think about what has happened in the past, and that discounts your thoughts of
what it is you want.

So, you must believe that you can have it. Here is
where the struggle comes. You are, I am guessing, based on your past
experiences, convinced that you cannot improve your fitness, change your diet,
change your job, lose the weight, and so forth, since every time you have tried
in the past, it hasn’t worked, or lasted.

Here’s what you must do to get
the body you want:

1. Continue to have the desire. Think it, wish it, and see it (in detail) for
yourself.

2. Make small changes in your diet and exercise program,
changes that you will be able to do now. Don’t commit to an unrealistic exercise
plan; just do what you truly know you can do, like 20 minutes every morning,
or three days a week.

And make minor alterations in your diet like reducing the amount on your
plate, cutting out dessert, reducing the number of sodas that you drink in a
day.

3. Keep your vision intact. Even if your actions falter, do not let
that throw you for an emotional loop. Stay focused on what you want.

You
will soon have the desire and the belief, and changes will occur, don’t give
up.

Change Can Be a Good Thing

Different Strokes:

We are all so different. Some of
us like change - some don't. Some of us are detail oriented, some not. When it
comes to health and fitness, some of us like to strive for improvement; others
are OK being OK.

Just a Few Things, Though:
1.
You don't have to feel awful about yourself to want to be better, and, always
striving for better isn't necessarily the only, or best, way to get there.

Upgrading is a good thing. Challenging ourselves, striving for more is
something that most of us can benefit from. And if it's not your thing, for
whatever reason, you may want to step out of your comfort zone for just a second
and see what it feels like to try something new.

On the other hand, if you are always looking for the next best way to get
fitter, eat healthier, or take 20 seconds off of your 10k time, maybe stepping
out of your comfort zone, and letting it be for a bit isn't such a bad idea.
Challenge is good, ease and relaxation are good, and change is good.

2. You don't have to be thin to be healthy. The goal is not to be thin;
it is to be healthy and happy. So, if you don't feel happy, and you aren't
healthy, be you thin, obese, or somewhere in between, a lifestyle change is
definitely in order.

3. Don't overwhelm yourself. When you look at the whole picture - whatever it
is you are dealing with - it can seem overwhelming, but change can be done
gradually or in broad strokes (different strokes for...you know). You can make
important and beneficial changes in the way that suits you best, I'll show you
in my next post.

4. An important hint - the way that suits you best, in fact, may be the way
that you haven't yet tried, and the way that you think doesn't suit you at all.
Sometimes, changing the way we approach change is the fastest way to break
through a barrier and get where you want to go.

5. For next time - how to do what you want to do. Until then, positive
thoughts please, keep seeing visions of you successfully doing, achieving
whatever your goal is.

Eat Right, Stay Fit

I recall as a small child going outside to play with friends and neighbors
from morning til night. Often I would even skip meals because I wanted to
continue whatever activity I was engrossed in at the time.

However, nowadays our surroundings and situations have changed so much that
parents can no longer trust that children playing outside will be safe without
supervision. 

Each week, my three-year-old and I attend a children's gymnastics class at a
local fitness center. My son absolutely loves this class, and it's his
hands-down favorite of all the activities we do together. He looks forward to
going to gymnastics every week and asks almost daily if today is the day he gets
to go to class. 

I am thrilled that he enjoys this activity so much. He gets to play and be
active while learning to pay attention to his instructors, follow simple
directions, and develop his agility and balance. And as we participate in this
activity each week, I've gotten to thinking about other low-cost ways to support
our children in being more active in their daily lives:

• Make family time an activity time.
  
• Consider walking or biking to do errands instead of always taking the car.
  
• Find local hiking trails to enjoy with your children.
  
• Join a group that focuses on physical activity, such as the YMCA or a hiking
  club.
  
• Invite one of your children's friends to participate in your next activity.
  

Remember to make activity fun for your children and, as a parent, be your
children's role model by keeping active yourself.

Making Fitness Part of Health Care

In an uncharacteristically noncompetitive manner, a consortium of Japanese
electronics companies - including Mitsubishi, Citizen, Sharp, and Hitachi -
have teamed up to establish a uniform standard for networking health care
equipment.

The goal is to allow cardio exercise devices like treadmills and elliptical
machines to interact with heart rate, blood pressure and other monitors to
produce an overall real-time profile graphing how an individual's training
affects his or her health.

At first glance this mechanization of health
indices looked a bit Big Brotherish, but as I thought about it, I realized that
this was something that might be helpful to me.

After a high-blood-pressure diagnosis a few years ago and some modest but
noticeable side effects from the medication (Cozaar) I was put on to control it,
I have worked to control my pressure through modifications in my diet and
exercise.

I now monitor my pressure regularly with a home cuff. It's not
cumbersome or unpleasant, but I did find it difficult to determine precisely
what triggered spikes or dips in my pressure. So I got a heart rate monitor to
track how my cardio training sessions would affect my pressure. My
non-scientific analysis seems to indicate that my workouts have a positive
effect on lowering my pressure - but not consistently.

I also occasionally use a pedometer to check out if I'm anywhere near to
approaching the 10,000 to 12,000 steps-a-day goal that Mark Fenton, the former
coach of the U.S. race walking team, says is optimal for health. And another
member of my family checks blood-glucose levels six times a day.


We could use a simple, one-stop way to integrate all our
respective data into a computer that would create an individual profile that
would allow us to easily monitor the results of our activities over
time.

Wouldn't it be nice if more companies followed the lead set by
the Japanese companies, and we could coordinate our fitness activities
seamlessly with our health care?

Imagine if, before our annual
physical, we could send our doctor a readout of our prior six months' profile so
he or she could see precisely what had affected our blood pressure or
cholesterol readings? Don't you wish insurance companies and HMOs would support
home diagnostic tools as integrated as this?

Exercises to Add on Years

It's feeling like spring outside, and after months of inactivity, now seems
like the right time to start getting physically active. Read on to find the
numerous benefits of exercise to your health and
longevity.

Activate Your Health with Exercise
Yes,
exercise will give you a fit physique, but the benefits of daily exercise are
much more. Regular exercise can help promote physiological wellbeing, strengthen
the immune system, maintain joint mobility, increase energy - the list goes on
and on.

In fact, research with humans has confirmed that the more active you are,
the longer you will live. In one study, the group that burned more than
3,500 calories a week lived the longest. Then it should come as no surprise that
caged animals have more health problems and live a shorter life than free-range
animals. So get out there and get active - your body will thank you for years to
come!

Aerobics for a Healthy Heart
Your heart is a
muscular organ that is responsible for pumping the blood's nutrients and oxygen
throughout your body, while simultaneously transporting waste products for
elimination. The stronger your heart, the more tolerance you will have for
stress and strain.

Strengthen your heart muscle by increasing your pulse rate to between 60 and
80 percent of your maximum heart rate (MHR) when you exercise. (Hint: you can
find your MHR by subtracting your age from 220. For example, if you are 40, your
MHR is 180 beats per minute.

Your optimal range of 60 to 80 percent would be calculated as 108 to 144
beats per minute.) Practice an aerobic activity at this rate for 30 minutes a
day, three to four times a week to keep your heart pumping strong.

Aerobic exercises that focus on increasing cardiovascular endurance include
bicycling, lap swimming, walking, and running. Frequent and consistent aerobic
exercise has been found helpful in preventing or treating such serious
conditions as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, type 2 diabetes,
insomnia, and depression.

Build Your Bones
As we age,
osteoporosis sets in and our bones begin losing calcium and become brittle. This
condition affects the majority of the world's population over age 70. No amount
of calcium and vitamin D supplements will cure the condition; we must engage in
exercise that exerts weight on the bones.

Look, for instance, at the experience of the astronauts. When astronauts were
subjected to weightlessness in space, they underwent much more rapid bone loss
than they would have on earth because there was no gravity to put weight on
their bones.

A good way to help restore calcium to the bones is with moderate load-bearing
exercises - but don't worry about becoming a professional weight lifter! Even
walking will have you bearing a moderate amount of weight and increasing bone
density.

I hope this article finds you feeling fit and healthy throughout
your days! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and
longevity tips with me.

May you live long, live strong, and live
happy!

Water Facts: Bottled or Tap?

Bottled water has become the fastest growing commercial beverage sold in the
United States. In 2005, Americans spent nearly $10 billion on bottled water. And
now we are seeing ads for bottled water containing several added (and unneeded)
vitamins.

This got me thinking about the origin of the oft-cited notion that we need to
drink at least eight glasses of water — presumably in eight-ounce glasses —
a day. I can understand taking a bottle of water along on a long hike or 20-mile
bicycle ride. But it's hard for me to keep a straight face when I see grown
adults sucking on bottles of water in the course of ordinary activities.

Do all these water-bottle-toting folks know something we don't about the
benefits of guzzling large amounts of H2O? Or is this another trendy accessory
to help us feel better about ourselves, not founded on medical fact?

Several years ago, a report from the Institute of Medicine set the record
straight about how much water we should be drinking. It didn't state the number
of glasses of water we should drink; rather, it recommended a total daily intake
of about 91 ounces of water for women and a total of 125 ounces of water for
men.

About 80 percent of this total water can come from beverages like milk, fruit
juices, coffee, tea, and beer, not just from drinking water. The remaining 20
percent can come from soups and the water contained in fruits and
vegetables.

Should we be counting water consumption like calories? No. According to the
IOM report, thirst is an adequate guide for almost all healthy people for
meeting their daily needs. The report set no upper limit on fluid intake, but
noted that excessive amounts can be dangerous.

Aggressive advertising by the bottled water industry, urging us to drink more
water to ensure good health, may help to maintain the "eight glasses of water a
day" myth. Surely these ads partly explain why so many otherwise-sensible people
find it necessary to carry a bottle of water while attending business meetings
or walking down the street.

OK, perhaps they're thinking that bottled water is better than tap water. But
is it really? The International Bottled Water Association (IBWA) created the
policies regulating the industry and claims that bottled water is subject to
more aggressive quality standards than tap water. The IBWA, however, isn't quite
an unbiased source of safety information for the industry.

To date, no independent investigation has shown that bottled water passes
more safety and health checks than tap water. In fact, the National Resources
Defense Council (NRDC) tested 103 brands of bottled water and concluded there
was no assurance that water out of a bottle is cleaner or safer than water from
the tap. Another of their conclusions didn't surprise me either: They estimated
that 25 percent or more of bottled water is nothing more than tap water.

Given the lack of objective research or evidence to favor bottled water over
tap water, the decision on which to drink comes down to an individual choice.
However, two things we know for certain: bottled water is more convenient and
more expensive than tap water.

The NRDC reported that a five-year supply of bottled water cost over $1,000
compared with $1.65 for the same amount of tap water. Not to mention the
environmental impact of the many discarded plastic water bottles that are not
recycled.

If you feel the convenience is worth the cost, by all means choose bottled
water; but don't feel compelled to drink a lot of it to maintain good health.

Exercises to Add on Years

Reclaim Your Body Step by Step

Reclaim your body and your excitement about life.

When you are unhappily focused on the body you don’t have, or the state of
health that you are not in, you are reminding yourself over and over, basically
convincing yourself, that this is your physical state.

And it is - and it doesn’t change - because you are reinforcing the negative
state that you are in. And then there is further reinforcement when you start an
exercise plan, and quit because you don’t see immediate results, which is
something that we are being sold and told by the media. "Get instant results
with this diet, lose weight immediately with this plan."

Or you try another new diet and then give it up because it’s not working, or
too difficult to adhere to, and once again you reinforce that diets don’t work.
If you still don’t feel or look the way that you want to – you have probably
tried everything.

And because you have tried so many diets, joined so many gyms, taken so many
classes and still have not found your happiest, healthiest, self, you certainly
have reason to be convinced that nothing is going to change.

With that, you have little chance of making strides toward change in the area
of health and fitness – and you keep proving that over and over. But you can
change, things can be different - I have a plan.

Step 1. Accept where you are today. That’s right
- surrender, give in, and just say, "OK, I accept that this is where I am
today." You are not giving up – you are giving in – to the truth. Stop fighting
it and being negative about it, just be OK with it for now.

Step 2. Be thankful for all that is good in your life. Find
some things that you like about yourself and your life and focus intently on
those. Generate a feeling of love and generosity toward yourself and the doors
to change will open.

Step 3. Know that things can change. If you don’t believe it
now (and you probably don’t, given all that has happened in the past), you will,
if you dedicate as much time, thought, and energy as you did to feeling
negative, to thinking and then feeling positive. Fake it in the beginning, just
keep saying (with a smile on your face and hope in your heart), "I can
change, it’s my choice."

You must reinforce over and over, convince yourself that you can change by
reprogramming your mind. Don’t stop until you feel the love.

Step 4. Be open to a new you with new desires and feelings.
Whatever you do, don’t fight it when the urge strikes you to start taking better
care of yourself.

That’s right; before you know it you’ll be eating less junk – or just eating
less. You’ll be wanting to move your body more, so look for new
exercise tips here – they’re coming.

Peace and Happy Trails. Debbie Rocker

For the New You, Focus on 'Happy'

It may sound trite, but it’s useful: If you can find a way to feel good right
now, regardless of what you want to accomplish, separate from all that you think
you need to change, it will help bring about change, very positive change, in
your life.

Assuming you want to improve your health, lose weight, stop
eating something or start doing something, the best thing you can do to get on
track right now is stop thinking about the problem.

Start focusing on happy thoughts, and I would imagine that the new you –
whatever and whoever that is, will make you happy, so think about
him/her.

Try these "WorkIns":

1. Imagine yourself as the person
you want to be, doing the things you want to do, looking the way you want to
look. If this doesn’t make you happy, then you have been misleading yourself
because there is no point to being that person if it isn’t going to make you
happy.

So fixate on it, feel it, focus on him/her daily, hourly, constantly. Feel
what it will be like to be that person, and if it makes you feel good – then
think about it more and more and more.

2. Make a happy list every day. List on a piece of paper all of the things
that you are proud of, happy about, grateful for.

You will be inspired
to do something if you really do these “workins” consistently. You may
spontaneously desire different foods; you may all of a sudden love exercising.
You may find a new job, meet someone special, get introduced to someone or
something that changes your life to ultimately bring every part of you –
physically, mentally and emotionally in line with the happy you.

Men and Women - Different to the Bone, Part 2

In my last blog entry I focused on certain differences between men and women in terms
of musculoskeletal health, disease and injury. Here's more to ponder and comment
on:

• Women are more likely to develop bunions (that bump on the inner side of the
  foot near the big toe - where the big toe also shifts and starts pointing
  outward rather than straight ahead, resulting in a deformed looking forefoot and
  difficulty finding comfortable shoes- or ones that fit). Genetics are an issue
  with bunion development, but the bigger factor is related to women's shoewear -
  especially when they are ill-fitting in the toe box. Women bring much of this
  upon themselves - or do we blame the fashion/shoewear industry?
  
• Men's and women's muscles are identical! Pound for pound, men and women are
  equally strong. However, because men have more muscle tissue (due to their size
  and also the hormone testosterone) they will usually be "stronger." Strength
  training is probably even more important for women (to protect their bones and
  prevent osteoporosis). Men and women will both get stronger with weight training
  (at any age), but men (especially when younger) will grow more muscle because of
  the hormone testosterone. It is impossible for most women to get "muscle-bound"
  with weight training - so ladies, please don't be afraid to start lifting - and
  do it regularly!
  
• Women are more likely to develop arthritis (although it is also very common
  in men) and be more likely to need knee joint replacement surgery. More on that
  later.

How do women fare (compared to men) after joint replacement surgery? Do they
enjoy the same high success rates? Do they have more complications?

Do women need a different design in their joint replacement? In my next blog
entry I'll explore this very area of controversy in the world of joint
replacement and orthopedic surgery.

Try This One-Minute Calf Massage

Pregnant women, runners, walkers, or anyone who has to stand for long periods
of time will love this! A few minutes of attention to the calf muscles gets the
circulation moving through tired, achy legs.

1. Positioning: Have your partner lie down on his or her back with one leg
bent (foot flat on the floor, knee pointing up) and the other leg straight,
relaxing on the floor.

Go ahead and sit on the foot of the bent leg (you can put a pillow over the
foot if you want) and hold the knee stable with one of your hands. Let your
partner know that you will hold on to the knee so they can relax the bent leg
without feeling like it's going to fall to one side.

2. Keep one of your hands supporting the knee at all times. With the other
hand reach around to the calf muscles, grab on to a big hunk and start squeezing
and releasing. Work at a nice, steady rhythm, squeezing and releasing, working
your way from the back of the knee all the way down to the ankle. (Make sure
you're not pinching the skin, but rather compressing big chunks of muscle.
Pinching doesn't feel good - compression does!)

3. Be thorough - get the whole back side of the lower leg. Even though the
calf muscles really only go half way down the lower leg, continue all the way to
the ankles to include the Achilles tendon area. It needs the work, too.

4. Spend about 30 seconds massaging the lower leg. Then, supporting the
underside of the knee with one hand, straighten the leg, putting it down on the
floor. Repeat on the other leg.

5. After one minute, you're done! Now switch places with your partner so that
you get a chance to receive. Have your partner massage your calf muscles in the
same fashion.

Want the Truth? You Can Start Fresh

What’s your truth?

Are you doing as much as you can do? You know if
you are eating a lot of junk, and not exercising. You know if you spend a lot of
time in your head making excuses or beating yourself up. A lot of what we do is
counterproductive – so, let’s start new.

Start from scratch - today.
Clean your slate, forget the old and bring in the new.

The way everything
is packaged and marketed these days, it’s hard to decipher what really is
healthy. But almost everything we buy is processed, packaged and sealed “for
your benefit."

Hint: Sliced turkey or ham from a deli package is not fresh meat or poultry.
Pastries, cookies and packaged cereal, for the most part, are not whole grains.
Portions are a factor, too - eat moderate portions – that is – not eating until
you are stuffed (like supersizing meals and drinks).

Make a change.
Cook/prepare your meals from fresh (or fresh-frozed) ingredients – buy some
fish, cook some brown rice, make a salad from fresh vegetables and eat fresh
fruit for a snack.

And instead of beating yourself up for whatever you
ate before, try: “Wouldn’t it be nice if eating healthy foods was my first
choice?” or “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if I no longer wanted junk foods?” or “How
amazing would it be if I stopped eating before I got full?” Say these to
yourself over and over every day, all week, and I think you’ll notice a
change.

And how about this? Exercise two times this week. Do two
25-minute walks. Walk easily for five minutes, enjoying the day, warming up
your body, and then increase your intensity, walking with enough effort to feel
yourself breathing deeply for 15 minutes, then take a five-minute victory
walk home enjoying the fact that you did it.

Emotional Stress Inhibits Physical Healing

A recent report from Ohio State University evaluated whether or not emotional
stress affected healing. Forty-two married couples participated in the research
project in which they received small blisters on their skin (ouch!) and then
engaged in either a loving, supportive conversation or an angry, hostile
disagreement.

The researchers measured the concentration of immunological chemicals in the
blood and tracked how long it took for the wounds to heal. The results showed
that one hostile interaction slowed healing by almost 24 hours.

In other studies, medical scientists have demonstrated that in addition to
high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and smoking, hostility is an independent
risk factor for heart attacks.

Hostility means that you carry the belief that you are always carrying more
than your fair share, that other people cannot be trusted to meet your needs,
and that having an anger outburst is an acceptable way to express your
frustration.

If you score in the highest ranges of hostility, your risk of a heart attack
is as great as if you smoke a pack of cigarettes per day. Some studies suggest
that psychological stress accounts for 30 percent of the risk for a heart
attack.

We now have scientific evidence that bringing peace into your life is not
only good for your relationships, but also good for your body. If we needed
another good reason to bring peace to the world, we now have it.

Work Your Mind, Not Just Your Body

Fitness isn’t just physical: Change your thoughts, and you change your world.
-Norman Vincent Peale

Of course we can all agree that
gaining and losing weight, exercise, diet, strength, and flexibility are all a
part of fitness. But what about body image, self-esteem, aging, relationships,
success, and happiness? They are all related, all connected, and fitness in
all areas is important if you want true and total fitness.

But you may
say, “I just want to lose 20 lbs, if I do I will feel better about myself and I
will be happy.” Maybe in the short term, but honestly, if we don’t address our
mental and emotional fitness (and we can do it while working on the physical),
there is very little chance of: a) keeping the weight off, b) feeling good about
yourself, and c) improving every other area of your life.

Let’s not waste
time on changing our bodies when they will only change back if we don’t change
our minds, too. Let’s work "out" and work "in" at the same time. Changing your
mind – and you must, because if you have been trying to lose weight, but cannot,
there is something inside of you that is disallowing it. You can change this
pattern, improve your self-esteem, increase your joy, and change your body for
good by focusing on changing your mind, too. This is training for
life.

Work-ins will recondition your mind, improve your attitude, change
your perception and stimulate motivation at the same time you are conditioning
your body for weight loss, shaping, strength and endurance.

If you repeat
a positive statement over and over to yourself – like a mantra, your mind will
change, the same way your body does, even if you don’t believe it. Like lifting
a weight over an over, your muscle changes – even if you don’t believe
it.

Try it – what have you got to lose? Say, “I am ready for my body to
be healthier, leaner, and stronger. I love it already."
Say it over and over
while you are walking or running or doing any exercise.

Pick a statement
that works for you – something positive and in the present tense. For more
work-ins suggestions, check out my new book, Training for Life.

Got Support? Get it Now!

The S word, support, we need it badly when we are trying to do something new,
different, and outside our comfort zones.

If you are trying to get
fitter, lose weight, give up sugar, get on an exercise program and stay with it,
it is my personal and professional opinion that support is essential to your
success.

And of course you have heard this before, but maybe this time
you’ll try it. Call a friend right now and tell her/him exactly what you want to
accomplish. Keep it small in the beginning, like, I am going to walk for 20
minutes every morning before I go to work – and I’d like to call you to report
my progress - period.

What you need to know are the details – you walk at
a strong pace, strong enough to get your heart rate up (so you are breathing
deeply) and break a sweat. You only think about one workout at a time, not, "how
will I do this everyday," and you call your friend everyday, no matter what, to
check in.

Soon, you’ll be telling her how much better you feel and how much better you
look in your clothes, and she’ll probably want to start doing it with
you.

The ultimate supporter is one who sees you as you are, and hears
your deep desire to be better. It could be your friend, a parent, or maybe
someone you have met online who is doing the same thing. Get support and
become accountable to someone else.

The most important thing for us all
is that we find a way to feel happy now, while we are becoming the best we can
be. Today is your life, not tomorrow or next month when your pants fit better or
you’ve landed a better job.

Today is when you need to feel good about yourself, and making a move toward
feeling better by increasing your level of health and fitness is huge! Whether
you are going to be walking for 20 minutes everyday or getting rid of something
that isn’t working in your life (be it chocolate or an unkind person), make that
commitment to yourself and someone else, and you will immediately feel better
knowing that you are taking action, and becoming more mindful and committed to
you.

1. Make your decision now. What is the one most important thing that
must change in your life?
2. What one thing can you do daily to change
it?
3. Call someone now, and commit it to him/her.
4. And be happy – you
are doing it.

Fitness and Good Health: The Tricks That Work are Free

How is it possible that every year Americans spend more money on diet and
weight loss aids and, research shows, every year we get fatter?

Something
is not working. So let’s stop doing it. Stop buying every new weight loss
remedy. Stop eating low-fat, low-carb, sugar-free and so on, because there
are no free lunches, so to speak. None of this is calorie-free. Stop saying
you’ll exercise tomorrow.

Get back to basics, start at the beginning, do
the things that actually work – and remember, they’re free!

I know
it’s almost too simple to say but:

Add 20-30 minutes of exercise to your
day. I want to get up in the morning and take a 20-minute walk –
period. Walk away from your house for 10 and then 10 minutes back and you
have just done 20 minutes of calorie-burning aerobic training. Or, if you are
really pressed for time in the a.m., on your lunch break, break a little sweat
(nothing radical), just walk at a steady pace for 20 minutes.

Reduce your food intake; eat less at every meal. At home, prepare a dish of
food that is moderately sized, a small (4-5 oz) portion of protein and
vegetables and maybe a little soup or a salad (in a small salad bowl) to start.
At a restaurant – plan to take some home. Ask the waiter for a take-away
container when you order, and make a habit of taking part of your meal
home.

Keep it simple so you will really do it – daily – and things will
change. Give it 14 days and report back to me – I’d love to hear what you
think.

Cruise Rolls Out 'Lions for Lambs'

As a flurry of films about Iraq and terrorism march in and out of theaters
this fall, one title with major stars and major political attitude faces a
rather unique marketing challenge.

Tom
Cruise produced "Lions for Lambs,"
in which he also stars with Robert Redford (who
also directed) and Meryl
Streep. It is a remarkably strident political work that takes dead aim at
the Bush White House and assails post-9/11 foreign policy, especially the wars
in Afghanistan and Iraq, putting its stars on the frontlines in this era's
fiercest political debate. Early indications suggest it isn't yet clear how
Cruise will package his own views.

Signaling a return to the big screen after an eventful absence, Cruise made
his first public appearance for "Lions" at a packed screening Thursday night.
The event was a fund-raiser for the Pelham Picture House, a 1920s theater just
outside New York.

In a Q&A moderated by Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, Cruise and
screenwriter Joe Carnahan spoke about the film's impassioned critique of the
government's strategy. Originally conceived as a stage play, the film blends
three storylines: Cruise as a rightwing senator doing an interview with TV
journalist Streep; Redford as a college professor teaching one of his students
about the importance of political engagement; and a more cinematic look at the
battlefield consequences in Afghanistan.

Related feature: Hollywood brings the
war home

The $35 million film has the political thrust of a vintage Costas-Gavras
film, so there was no avoiding the matter at the Q&A.

Yet Cruise didn't exactly morph into Tim
Robbins, preferring to stay largely above the fray and offering measured
comments that the film was trying to "open up serious questions for the
audience" and that the script was "timely." It was clear that he hadn't decided
exactly what positions to stake out and was using the event as a rehearsal for
his views, which will certainly face scrutiny in the next two weeks.

When Cruise has voiced his personal opinions in recent years -- about
Scientology or depression, for example -- it has cost him in the public eye. His
public comments during the launches of "War of the Worlds" and "Mission:
Impossible 3" got him into hot water with his fans and the industry that had
made him a top draw for two-plus decades.

Carnahan was far blunter at the Q&A, saying he felt the film argued that
the politics and strategy of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq were wrongheaded
and that the media led the public down a false path. Whenever Travers or an
audience member lobbed a question at the pair about a specific political point,
Carnahan jumped in.

"Lions" is Cruise's first release since being ejected from the Paramount lot
and seeing his formerly unassailable image seriously bruised in the media. It is
also the first release from MGM's newly reactivated United Artists label, with
which Cruise and longtime producing partner Paula Wagner forged a relationship
one year ago. He is producing and starring in UA pics, while she is serving as
its chief executive.

Cruise said he had made the film out of deep respect for Redford's body of
work, which he said had inspired him since "Ordinary People." According to
Carnahan, Streep saw the script first and then helped get first Redford and then
Cruise into the fold.

Wearing his producer-mogul hat, Cruise endorsed the pic as "the kind of film
United Artists should be making," which suggested the film's politics appealed
to him at least on that level. As one of the film's guiding hands off-camera, it
is fairly remarkable that Cruise would cast himself in the right-winger role. At
most other times in his career, the 45-year-old Cruise might have played any of
the pic's other roles.

From Pelham, Cruise and Carnahan immediately embarked on a European
promotional swing, where the film is aiming to garner support ahead of its Nov.
1 berth as the opening film at the AFI fest. Premieres at the London Film
Festival tonight and the Rome fest Tuesday night will be followed by other
screenings across Europe.

Those guiding the film's campaign said the gameplan all along had been to
avoid conventional options like Toronto and try to build a singular profile
centered on the film's three stars. Trailers and TV spots also underplay the
intense political content and instead sell the stars. The one-sheet, with the
stars faces against a white background, bears the tagline, "If you don't stand
for something, you'll fall for anything."

The star treatment was certainly accorded Cruise at the Pelham screening
Thursday. The event was technically off-limits to the press and was therefore
dominated by worshipful fans who didn't press Cruise the way he is likely to be
once the film's opening arrives.

Lost amid the political intrigue was one interesting revelation that usually,
when it involves a top star, is capable of being a story unto itself: Cruise
said what he really wants to do is direct.

Vampires Sink Teeth Into Movie Audiences

LOS ANGELES -- The horror tale "30 Days of Night" had three days of
box-office bite. The Sony fright flick, with Josh Hartnett leading Alaskans against
ravenous vampires that turn up for the prolonged winter darkness, debuted as the
weekend's No. 1 movie with $16 million, according to studio estimates
Sunday.

Audiences continued to choose merriment over misery as the latest crop of
sober Academy Awards hopefuls, among them Ben Affleck's "Gone Baby Gone," Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal's "Rendition" and Halle Berry and Benicio Del Toro's "Things We Lost in the Fire," debuted
with so-so to dismal numbers.

Whether it's the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, deadly news out of Pakistan
and Myanmar or Friday's stock market tumble, moviegoers seem disinterested in
more bad news at theaters with films about child-kidnapping, torture, widowhood
and heroin addiction.

"Fall is the season of the serious movie, and it seems like audiences in a
way are resisting the serious movie right now," said Paul Dergarabedian,
president of box-office tracker Media By Numbers. "Audiences are finding their
horror or their intensity in real life, and they're not looking for it in the
movies."

Other escapist fare joined "30 Days of Night" at the top of the box-office
chart. "Tyler Perry's Why
Did I Get Married?", the Lionsgate release that was the previous weekend's
No. 1 flick, slipped to second place with $12.1 million, raising its total to
$38.9 million.

Disney's family comedy "The Game Plan" held up well at No. 3
with $8.1 million, lifting its four-week total to $69.2 million.

Affleck made his directing debut with Miramax's "Gone Baby Gone," which
debuted at No. 5 with $6 million.

The critically acclaimed movie stars the filmmaker's brother, Casey Affleck, as a private
detective trying to solve a young girl's abduction.

Coming in on par with "Gone Baby Gone" was Fox Atomic's "The Comebacks," a lowbrow spoof of
sports movies that opened at No. 6 with $5.85 million.

New Line's "Rendition," starring Witherspoon and Gyllenhaal in the story of
an Egyptian-born man detained and tortured under suspicion of terrorism,
premiered at No. 9 with $4.2 million.

The DreamWorks-Paramount release "Things We Lost in the Fire," with Berry as
a widow who takes in her husband's drug-addicted best friend (Del Toro), opened
far outside the top-10 with $1.6 million.

Further proof that movie fans want fun over adversity: a 3-D version of
Disney's Halloween perennial "Tim Burton's the Nightmare Before
Christmas" was No. 8 with $5.1 million and had a better rate of return
per-theater than any of the new wide releases.

Playing in 564 cinemas, "Nightmare Before Christmas" averaged $9,122,
compared to $5,604 in 2,855 locations for "30 Days of Night;" $3,503 in 1,713
sites for "Gone Baby Gone;" $1,856 in 2,250 theaters for "Rendition" and $1,405
in 1,142 cinemas for "Things We Lost in the Fire."

"There's just so much serious fare. We have overloaded the marketplace with
this highbrow, serious product," said Chris Aronson, senior vice president of
distribution for 20th Century Fox. "The audience is saying, 'Give me something
to have some fun with.'"

While fun movies ruled, the overall box office skidded for the fifth-straight
weekend. The top-12 movies took in $79.7 million, down 10 percent from the same
weekend last year.

Estimated ticket sales for Friday through Sunday at U.S. and Canadian
theaters, according to Media By Numbers LLC. Final figures will be released
Monday.

1. "30 Days of Night," $16 million.

2. "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?", $12.1 million.

3. "The Game Plan," $8.1 million.

4. "Michael Clayton,"
$7.1 million.

5. "Gone Baby Gone," $6 million.

6. "The Comebacks," $5.85 million.

7. "We Own the Night," $5.5 million.

8. "Tim Burton's the Nightmare Before Christmas," $5.1 million.

9. "Rendition," $4.2 million.

10. "The Heartbreak
Kid," $3.9 million.

Chan Tells Aspiring Actors to Be Natural

HONG KONG -- Jackie
Chan to aspiring action stars: Don't bow to me. Chan said in a blog entry on
his Web site Sunday that he's not a fan of the way disciples greet their masters
in kung fu movies by grasping a clenched fist in a prayer-like gesture, then
bowing their heads.

The veteran actor said he had noticed the move in audition video clips for
his Chinese talent show "The Disciple."

"Some preliminary competitors would introduce themselves the old-period kung
fu way: the fist of one hand clenched firmly, the palm of the other wrapped on
top, head slightly bowed, then saying, 'All the heroes here today, please advise
and correct my wrongdoings,'" Chan wrote.

He called the greeting "old-fashioned and definitely not what I'm looking
for."

"I think actors of today should adapt to situations appropriately, like using
old-fashioned terms for old-fashioned movies or using modern-day speech for
modern-day films. Actors shouldn't mix old-fashioned speech with modern-day
films. It just doesn't fit," Chan said.

He said actors who adapt to the times will enjoy a wider range of roles.

Chan also said he didn't launch "The Disciple" — jointly produced by Chan and
a Beijing TV Station called BTV — to scout for the next kung fu superstar, but
rather to spot people with talent to become genuinely skilled "action
artists."

Beyonce Launches World Tour in Ethiopia

ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia — Beyonce Knowles began her world tour in
front of an audience of 5,000 fans in Ethiopia, a country usually unimpressed by
Western music.

The 26-year-old Texan R&B singer gave a spirited two-hour performance in
the Ethiopian capital Saturday evening, as part of the country's yearlong
celebration of its 2,000th year according to the Coptic calendar.

Addis Ababa hosted L.A. -based hip-hop group the Black Eyed Peas in September, but
the reception was tepid.

Photos: Beyonce
Knowles

Beyonce's opening act, multi-platinum-selli ng rapper Ludacris, also received lukewarm
reaction.

But something about Beyonce seems to have struck a chord in Ethiopia, where
even young Ethiopians are steadfast fans of tunes sung in the national language,
Amharic. The audience was ecstatic when she came onstage for her concert, which
included many ballads from her recent release, "B-day."

"Rap music doesn't suit Ethiopia," said Michael Melake, a 36-year-old local
music promoter. "Ethiopians need a melody. Rap music is all about the message
and we don't identify with that. It's all about the black American experience,
and we don't relate to that."

Enoch Nicano, a 30-year-old nightclub owner, provided a slightly simpler
explanation for Beyonce's fan base in Ethiopia.

"She's hot," he said, then paused to reconsider. "She's more than hot."

In a country where many women wear simple white dresses with colored stripes
at the hemline and sleeves, all made from local cotton, Beyonce's outfits were
covered in sequins or shiny, space-age material — from a modern interpretation
of a hula girl with shiny black tendrils replacing the grass skirt to a
high-necked Victorian-style top.

Despite — or perhaps because of — her outfits, many in the crowd appeared to
genuinely enjoy Beyonce's performance.

Concert organizers were a little more delicate about why Ethiopians are so
fond of the singer.

"Because she loves Ethiopia," said Mulugeta Aserate, a member of Ethiopia's
millennium secretariat.

The singer conveyed that herself, showing genuine emotion before closing the
show to deafening applause.

"I want to thank you," she told the screaming crowd.

"You have been one of the best audiences of my lifetime."